FULL MOON coming

FULL MOON coming
Reflections & Perspectives

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Lord, What Should I Do? I Turn To You

When I know the answer I turn to You to confirm it.
When I am lost I turn to You for direction.
When I am tired I turn to You for strength.
When I am sad I turn to You for joy.
When I am happy I turn to You for moderation.
When I am scared or fearful I turn to You for courage.
When I am strong I turn to You for compassion.
When I am willing I turn to You for discernment.
When I am confused I turn to You for knowledge.
When I am wise I turn to You for understanding.
When I am proud I turn to You for humility.
When I am in need I turn to You.
When I am full I turn to you.
I turn to You always.
Always, I turn to You to say "thank you"

Thursday, March 25, 2010

My, My, My

I know you're sensing my preoccupation and reluctance of mind.
I tell you not so convincingly that everything is fine.
I can't find words to express exactly what I feel.
Important to me for you to know that my love is real.

I know you understand me even when I don't say.
I believe you are open to the words kept at bay.
You are always willing and available to hear.
That's what makes you very special and my dear.

I know you wish I would express my thoughts in a precise way.
My love, my fears, and all that my heart has to say.
Nothing about you makes that hard to do.
I am the obstacle that is difficult to pass through.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

You Just Lost One

"I can't believe it! How could this be?" Feelings of disgust, denial and disappointment overtake the feeling of security of knowing I have it. Loss is always against personal will or desire. It is usually inconvenient and has terrible timing. It doesn't matter what is lost or when it occurs during a lifetime. One thing about loss, it never happens at an opportune time. Sometimes loss is not even recognized until much later than it happened, and it's not a good feeling.
Children lose toys, realizing it at the time they need them to play. Losing house keys during one of the most memorable blizzards in the history of Chicago, meant the storm had to be endured for many hours until Mom arrived home from work. Lost a Mickey Mouse watch while in Elementary School, and didn't get another watch until College. These types of experiences teach an individual how to keep up with tangible items.
Later in life the loss of a loved one, like a grandmother whom is still missed dearly, rocks your boat. The loss list includes intimate friendships and much more. Losing a source of income, or suffering the loss of a significant other from a heartbreak can be a lot to deal with too. Losing money, either innocently, due to negligence, or from gambling is very difficult to accept. Makes one dig deep to get through it.
All losses are painful and hard to endure. Losing anything seems like the worst thing in the world at that time. Over the course of life, one learns that many of the losses served a greater purpose and impart important life lessons. How to overcome, how to cope, how to move on, and what not to do are some of the lessons that come to mind. Immersion in feeling miserable, anger, sadness, depression, hopelessness, and irritation provides no benefits, even though much energy is often dedicated to them.
Accepting loss as a necessary part of life is the only way to feeling serenity, or peace of mind. Most often, there is nothing that can be done to change the situation, and lamenting over it supplies no relief. Time does heal the wound. Eventually, one realizes that the Creator does not allow anything to happen that doesn't work out for the benefit of those that love Him. This faith can sustain you through some of the most difficult periods in life. In other words, everything happens for a reason. Please note that this faith will be tested in the future as well. One day all come to understanding this truth through experiencing the words in the song by Laryn Hill, "you just lost one." Life will happen, and life goes on, so must you.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Alone vs. Lonely

You sit alone atop of your division,
It's lonely at the bottom.
You alone know the truth,
Lonely loves company.
Alone with my thoughts,
The lonely life I lead.
You and you alone have to face the consequences of your decisions,
Lonely wants us all to do it.
Lonely is a feeling,
Alone is a state of being.

Grow Fonder

What is it that makes the heart grow fonder?
On this question I often ponder
Does the frequency of contact influence the impact?
Do the acts of kindness make you feel like "Your Highness?"
Is it the awesome sex?
That makes one say "your the best!"
Is it the support behind the scene?
That leaves impressions that are long lasting
Is it the faith that you show?
That helps the other know
Maybe the back rub after a long day
Helps to calm and ease the way
Maybe the soft kisses not requested
Making love that was not suggested
How about the message of your appreciation?
That is sincerely filled with elation
What is it that makes the heart grow fonder?
On this question I often ponder

How Many Girls?

Thinking of You
How pretty you look
Where you are in your Kindle book?
How many girls want to be like you?
Look good, love life, and touch lives too
Will they know a special love one day?
Live the words of the Debarge's, "In a Special Way"
Can they say the highest mountain they climbed?
Do they know a rainbow needs rain and sunshine?
Will they feel the energy of a Full Moon at night?
Will they fearlessly face the world alone and put aside fright?
Possibly travel here and there and see distant shores
Run a race and believe there is more
Laugh hard, scream aloud and smile despite
Others hearing and wondering "is she all right?"
How many girls one day women will be?
Able to say I know love, and love knows me.

I Need You

The Bass song hook "I need you, that's what I want" blared through the speaker's woofers. The beat crisp and clear, the melody simple but catchy. The music is turned up as if it were serving as a surrogate on behalf of the listener and it's companion. They both bop their necks, and shake their heads left to right. "Yeah, that's what I'm talk'n bout" (barely audible) comes out of the lips. One looks to the other to see if they are both "feeling it." They are.

Amazing how music can communicate words and feelings simultaneously. You can actually hear one set of words and feel an entirely different set.
Let's explore another example. Marvin Gaye croons "Let's Get It On" loudly in the dorm room. They are there anxiously anticipating what the night might bring. Marvin's words seem to have a soothing yet sensual effect on both of them. He is relieved because he could not find courage to say the words to express his desires. She is happy because she did not have to endure the verbal banter of confirming her desire to be with him. He begins to sing along with Marvin, as she pats her foot or bounces her leg at the knee (you know how young ladies cross their legs but are able to kick the top one like a reflex reaction). Gaye says it all with background instruments to further set the mood. As they engage one another you can almost hear the song resonating in their heads. A timid kiss soon turns into passion. Passion evolves into intimacy all because Marvin Gaye made a simple suggestion.

This may seem to simplify human behavior to a low degree, or over credit the effect of music. Certainly humans are capable of expressing themselves without the aid of music. Surely musicians are not responsible for influencing the individual acts of many. However, the combination of convenience and confidence level with music, make for some well received options.

I'm glad because "when I get this feeling...I need sexual healing baby. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, let's make love tonight..cause you do it right." Marvin provided an avenue for my parents to create me.

Music, woman, friend, lover, "I need you..that's what I want."

Love That Binds

Only God could create a love such as this
Love that makes the heart, mind and soul wish
Wish that time would stand very still
Letting life exists in a feeling so real
A sensation forever realized
Beautiful like a rainbow stretched across the skies
Makes you yearn for more each day
Longing to be touched in that very special way
Wanting to give more than you can
Wonder how much a person can stand
Hurts so good that it makes one say
How can I make it without you for even one day
Will this fairy tale have a magical end
Forever, for life, always a friend
Sustaining reality and the inevitable tests of life
Overcoming, not yielding to misery and strife
Only God could create a love this great
Only God uses people as His surrogate
Only God has the capacity to understand
The love that binds a woman to a man

Middle Of The Night

Who knew I would care so much
Long for you in the night, craving your touch
Thought it be easy to just have some fun
Didn't know I would be so open and outdone
Figure I could handle good sex and a pretty face
Served me on a platter, a sweet love I embraced
How did I get so deep in this way?
Glad I don't know and I'm willing to stay
I love you much
You are very special to me
Hope you always remember, even if I don't show it
Know it to be true
My life is enriched directly due to you

So many thoughts of and for you
I don't know what to do
I try to sleep
But in my mind you creep
Night and day
In a permanent spot you stay
Crazy feeling like this
Wide open, easy to be dissed
Wish it would stay like this forever and a day
Would be honored and blessed that love made it's own way

I hope the buzz lovingly awakes
The tender woman, I would love to see her face
She smiles at me like life is so great
Makes the King proud of the Estate

Would say sorry to wake u in the middle of the night
That would be a lie outright
Want to kiss you head to toe
Passion swelling and I think you know
What comes next?
An explosive orgasm brought on by you, "The Best"

Speak To Me With Libations

I like the way u talk after cocktails.
Its passionate and the words are precise.
You speak freely.
Yet, not disrespectfully.
Your tone is loving and concerning.
Words are expressed with edge, yet vulnerability.
Your feelings are exposed and honest, keep talking.
You share your heart in a way that is received with genuine fondness.
You sound excited and energetic.
Please continue, don't stop. Its not rhetoric.

What Is It Called

What is it called when all my thoughts are about you?
What is it called when I feel u are my dreams come true?
What is it called when I feel I've been given a gift from heaven above?
I know, it is Real Love!
Thank u for being everything I could ask for, and the love of my life.
Way more than just pain, misery and strife.

Words Get In The Way

Words sometimes seem to get in the way.
Can't find the right ones to say.
I want to express how I feel inside, in spite of my ego and my pride.
I feel for you, and I appreciate all that you do.
When in your presence I am so comfortable being loved
Thank you Maam.

You Make (Real Love)

You make me say owh
You make me figure out how
To be a better man
Give life the best that I can
You make me want to show
The world and all who I know
Precisely who I am
What they think, not giving a damn
You make me do things
Only passion could bring
Out the best in me
Something special for you to see
You make feel grand
Alone I can stand
Proud and tall
Tell em to "bring it y'all"
You make want to say
In the most compassionate way
How much I feel
This love is so real
Mary J sings a song, "Real Love" is the title
Speaks to my heart like verses in the Bible
You make me feel so good
Sound in mind and body, and should
I ever not feel this way
"Something is wrong" I will say
You make things all right
Like the calm from a bad dream in the night
You make me wish
I had one more kiss
You make me come alive
You make my heart thrive
You make everyday
Very special in some way
You make me complete
You make my heart beat
To the sound of love
A gift from the One above
You make things feel right
Like rhythmic heartbeats in the night
You make us stand tall
You make me look forward to Fall
So we can cuddle during cold nights
Not wanting and feeling right
You make us look good
Like real love should
You make us one
Like a beautiful day with the sun
You make the world seem right
You make, you make it so tight
You make your own way
Regardless of what others say
You make life worth living
You make me enjoy giving
Myself, my love, my all
You make big things seem small
You make everything
Like a verse from a favorite song I sing
To love and behold,
Is like following a rainbow, and finding gold.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

God's Special Gift

The world was blessed and didn't even know
A child was born with much to bestow
A gift was presented for all to receive
Need the world to accept it and for her to believe
How special she is even though life is tough
How majestic her presence amongst other stuff
The image of a Queen was her manifestation
The life of a regular was not her destination
One day I think she will confess
That she is a special gift from God, and we all are truly blessed.

I Wish

Wish I knew the right words to spew
Say all the right things every time I do
Wish I knew how to consistently please
Pray to God for my pain to ease
Wish I knew just the right spot
To satisfy your soul, your body and your heart, not just a little bit but a lot
Wish I knew how to simply just do
Actions that reflect the love that you are due
Wish I knew how to be a better man
Take life in stride and do the best I can
Wish I knew the plan for my life
Would make choices to avoid any strife
Wish I knew what tomorrow holds
I'd use the map to find the gold
Wish I knew the things I forgot
Use the knowledge to better my lot

If They Told You

If they told you, you would fall fast and hard, would you have stalled?
If they told you, you would see the real, the fake, joy and miserable mistakes
If they told you, one day you would know the joy of life and the pain of strife
If they told you, life would not evolve as planned, but situations and circumstances would arise, that require adjustments and disguise the prize
If they told you, one day U2 would play on your deck and serenade you
Would you balk and deny life chance? Run from disappointment and forsake "true romance"
If they told you, life would end soon, will they miss u or forget u in the tomb?
If they said don't go astray, would I get it right or go on anyway?
If they told you, be cautious don't take the risk! Could end up bad, you get the reward but leave feeling dissed.

Life Is Simple

Individuals have to search for their personal legend like Santiago in "The Alchemist." We all do.

I have learned that I don't know much. The more I think I know the less I actually do. "Understanding" is something that can't be taught, it only comes through personal experiences.

I used to believe in "good and/or bad experiences." When the "why is/did this happen" question was unknown, it would seriously disturb every element of my existence. As a result, life was very turbulent. Very little peace of mind, comfort in spirit was absent, and physical discomfort prevailed constantly.

Shame, a primary tool of the opposite of God, guided my thoughts, words and actions. My seeking validation thru others acceptance of my choices and opinions, was a complete and extensive waste of my energy. When other humans disappointed me (inevitable), I was affected in a major way. The same was true for me when I did the disappointing. The truth of the matter is, people are put on earth for the purpose of serving and helping other people.

Facts can't be disputed, principles are everlasting, and opinions vary. Two plus two will always be four, that is a fact. If something falls, "Gravity" determines how fast, that is a principle. What I think and believe is an opinion.

Knowledge is power, but understanding is key. Sometimes others can't understand, it's not their time to. I've often heard the phrase "I can't believe...," that's because we come to believe (over time and thru experiences). I don't understand God not because I don't know Him, because I'm still experiencing Him.

The reason that true or false questions and statements that contain the word "never" are false, is that anything is possible depending on circumstances and situations. Maturity teaches me to judge not nor say "I would never do" (fill in the blank with whatever action you want). Youth synonymous with immaturity, can't possibly know because particular situations and circumstances have not been presented yet.

Ignorance is the absence of knowledge and understanding. That's why it is imperative for me to be open to continually learning, and supports why I can not say "I have arrived."

Life is a journey, not a destination. Therefore, when I embrace the principle that all that life presents me is necessary, and don't get engrossed in the feelings associated with the moment, I can cope better. When the moments and associated feelings change, (and it will, it always does) I need to adjust. No need to resist the moment. All attempts at fighting reality are futile. Life will present me a full spectrum of experiences. Those that I welcome as well as those I shun.

Making decisions is a constant requirement in life. Decisions can only be made by an individual. Seeking input from others is a natural desire and can be part of the process, but my decisions are mine to own because the consequences (all of them) are mine to bare. My bed of roses or my bed of nails, direct results of my decisions.

Once I accept these facts and apply these principles, I can free myself from others affecting how I feel or think about my life.

Get Going

In my head I can hear them say, "when the going gets tough, the tough get going" over and over again. What do you say when that doesn't work? Maybe a quote like, "excuses are the tools of the incompetent, those that use them seldom accomplish anything" resonates in the mind. Sometimes words such as, "under the bloodgenings of chance, my head is bloodied but unbowed...out of the night that covers me, black as a pit from pole to pole... I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul" have stirring power too. Once in a while a sage being might recite "If" a poem by Rudyard Kipling, words of knowledge, of wisdom and human insight about the trials and jubilations of life. Ending with the confirmation "now you are man."

What do you do when you are between a rock and a hard place? Close your eyes and hope you don't get smashed? Pray for a miracle, the seemingly impossible occurance at last? Maybe you recite a verse well known. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for. The evidence of things unseen." Wishing anything works to deliver you, change the situation of your being.

All tools to inspire or encourage the soul within. Meant to provide faith when courage weighs thin. Many depend on them to make it through the circumstances that life presents, especially when things aren't going our way and hope seems distant.

Well I guess this is our fate. The lot we drew in life. We will overcome. Sustain the misery and strife. Keep our heads to the sky not pondering why. Time always reveals and provides the reasons why. So many questions I wish I had the answer to. Only God can judge and He always knows what is true. Put your faith in the fact that He loves you. Never giving you more than you can handle or get through. At the end of life make sure you hear Him say. "Well done my faithful servant. You did it My and not your way."

Once In A While

Every now and then I get the urge, to relax my inhibitions, let my Id and not my Ego splurge.
Sometimes I ignore the signs, just "let it ride" and see what I finds.
Once in while I feel real good, like Cuba Gooding when he first got some in "Boyz in the Hood."
Today, I wish it was tomorrow. Like close to pay day when u ask a friend "can I borrow?"
Once in a while I feel real strong, not a care in the world, not a damn thing wrong.
Although this can easily be replaced, when by reality I am slapped in the face.
Yesterday, I thought I knew exactly what I was going to do.
Once in while I have to face, the fact that, "I'm wrong" and thank God for His grace.
Once in a while I get it right, and like my man JJ from "Goodtimes" says "Dynomite!" Or better yet, as the fellas in the hood say "Goddamn that's tight!"

Once in a while it would be nice to know, exactly what tomorrow holds, and how life will unfold.
Once in a while it would be nice to be, what everybody else seems to so clearly see.
Once in a while it would nice to give, not what I want, but what others need to live.
Once in a while it would nice to get it right without having to be told or shown at least twice.
Once in a while it would be nice to just do it and get it right.
Just once in while I wish, like Santa, to grant a special wish.
Just once I pray that I can say "I gave it a 100% today!"
Once in a while I think "I can't," but the truth is I choose "I shant."
Hope time doesn't run out, before for once, I figure things out. Do more than I could, give life my all, I should. At least for once in a while.

This Life

This life is full of joy and laughter.
In This life I'm going after not brown, but greener pastures.
This life, not the next one after, is here, not the hereafter.
This life really does matter, I can't go any faster.
This life is all I have, even if I wish for more, This life gives me what is in the store.
No Costco or Sam's Club sizes, no reprieves and I realizes,
Just enough to take me on a journey of exercises.
In This life Gaga (my grandmother) advises, that her words are real and always the wisest.
One day will I not fight, or struggle to do what is right? Succumb to knowledge and wisdom, I might.
In this life you can not only imagine, but you must enter into the pageant.
Plenty of auditions for roles I hate, the life I'd rather love than hate.
Then love comes and shakes shit up.
Why me, I ask, and what the fuck?
I hate the fact I feel this way, like Pac wishin for better days, wishin shit was goin my way.
Wish I didn't even care, if with her my life and immortality I share.
Not talkin about my nine or even a gun, but my soul mate who is far from a nun.
A Priest I've never been. Even though my words may touch the spirit within.
One day faith will overcome my fright. I'll walk tall and shine the light. On a journey I learn I must go, to learn and share what I already know.
The burning sands will always remain a metaphor, of how to stand the rain and complain no more.
When I reach the golden shores, pain and pleasure I will know much more.
What will I do when I face the decision of truth versus saving face? Who will say what they would do when desire and temptation both roll thru, I can only pray for God's grace.
I am strong hoping the weight is not more than I anticipate. My resolve and lack of limitations working on my hate. Wondering in spite of all, will I see heaven's gate?
You might live the life I live, giving all you have to give. Wondering if good acts will balance the trials I failed and challenges on which I bailed.
Will you give up, throw in the towel and quit? Or dig down deep and figure out how and like Nike, to "Just do it"

Thought I'd Never

Who would have thought it? Not I. Nor did I ever stop to think why.
Maybe I assumed things would always be the same.
Never a change in situations, circumstances or rules to the game.
Maybe wanted to believe that what I perceived was all that mattered.
Others' places never considering, their reasons uncaring, and my understanding scattered.
Watching and judging them, not realizing why,
But for the Grace of God, there go I.
Always knew what I wanted and how to get their with a plan. Adjusting and regrouping not really something I can, say was a skill I worked hard to develop like using my left hand.
The lack of experience making me ignorant to the fact. The thought I'd never was false, and not at all exact.

Thought I'd never see the sun and moon at the same time
Thought I'd never confess that it just wasn't my time
Thought I'd never admit to shame and feeling worthless
Thought I'd never make amends to those whose lives I've made a mess
Thought I'd never ask why I believe
Thought I'd never abort what was conceived
Thought I'd never wish my life would cease to be
Thought I'd never wallow in self misery
Thought I'd never have to battle a thought to be friend
Thought I'd never not see a thing thru to the end
Thought I'd never wonder where was my place
Thought I'd never break bread without saying grace
Thought I'd never say "I can't"
Thought I'd never tell God I shant
Thought I'd never need to find my way to peace
Thought I'd never in life allow my pride to cease
Thought I'd never give of myself totally
Thought I'd never let go of the rope and fall free

Thought I'd never wander down divergent roads or explore life's mysteries.
Thought I'd never need to understand why never one day can be.